Incorporating the Department of Damp Distress and the Society for Frayed Nerves, this high-security institution provides sanctuary for linens suffering from Post-Traumatic Spin-Cycle Disorder (PTSD).
Whether they have survived a budget hotel in Bognor Regis or witnessed a "Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink" incident in a suburban semi-detached, these towels are far beyond a simple 40-degree wash.
Amnesia Starching, the Cone of Silence, Recreational Lint-Rolling, and the Luxury Damp-Room.
As Decreed by the Ministry of Damp. From the Morning Unfolding to the Existential Folding.
Form 22-B: The Soggy Inquiry. Complete in triplicate with an intermittent pen.
To be hummed in a monotonous drone during the 1400rpm spin cycle.
Be on the lookout for subversive small-squares. Signs of insurrection described within.
Dead or Slightly Moist. Reward: one slightly used bar of institutional soap.
Open only when the moon is in the third house of Laundry. Canned air available.
The Grand Mangle of Destiny. The Triple-Corgi-Fold. Three confused sheep in attendance.
Officially Stiff Enough for British Society. Signed by Sir Archibald Damp-Sponge, KBE.
Secret entries from the Room of Damp Regret. Contains references to a royal tea-towel.
For Discerning Linens. Lint-Stew with Extra Grit. Prices in Buttons.
From the United Department of Synthetic Sponges. Total war declared. Blockade of soap dishes.
The Peace Accord. Witnessed by a Very Confused Goldfish and a damp patch on the ceiling.
In memoriam: Arthur, 100% Egyptian Cotton. Dust to dust. Lint to lint.