Open only when the moon is in the third house of Laundry
Prices quoted in Buttons or Loose Change found in pockets. No returns. No refunds. No eye contact with the cashier.
Harvested from a 1974 desert storm and filtered through a retired colonel's woollen vest. 100% cynical fibers guaranteed.
Actually a rusty bottle cap, polished with a very posh flannel. No authenticity certificate. No refunds.
Just add water to create a puddle. Warning: causes immediate Sanatorium relapse. Keep away from dry towels.
For the towel who misses the bleak comfort of the Ministry of Damp. Six designs. All grey.
Smells of damp tweed, old soap, and "knowing looks." Burns for three lunar cycles.