Admissions — Royal St. Loofah Sanatorium

§ Department III

Official Admissions Form

Form 22-B: The Soggy Inquiry

§ Form 22-B

The Soggy Inquiry

Please complete in triplicate using a pen that only works intermittently. Incomplete forms will be returned in a damp envelope.

Form 22-B / Ref: PTSD-LINEN 1. Name of Linen 2. Thread Count at Time of Trauma High enough to be snobbish Low enough to be transparent Non-existent (Cheesecloth) 3. Nature of the Incident Accidentally touched by a Belgian Used to dry a damp badger Witnessed a "Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink" situation in a suburban semi-detached Left in a gym bag for three lunar cycles Other (describe on the enclosed damp napkin) 4. Are you, or have you ever been, a Flannel?

(Be honest. We will check the selvage.)

No, absolutely not. I refuse to answer without legal counsel. The selvage will speak for itself. 5. Additional Comments for the Chief Fluff-Buffer

Application Received

Your linen's case has been forwarded to the Ministry of Damp for immediate review. A representative will be in touch, provided they can find you under the pile of damp towels. Please allow 3–5 lunar cycles for processing.